This week has seen the annual White Ribbon Day of awareness and action on domestic violence.  Thankfully this issue has been getting a lot of attention in our parliaments and media lately, especially with the awarding of Australian of the Year 2015 to survivor and activist Rosie Batty.

Back when I was young & naive, I simply wanted to find any perpetrators of domestic violence and lock them up for the rest of their lives.  Beating up women and children, or even just the threat of violence, is a despicable act that can not be tolerated at all.

However, over the years I have come to understand a bit more about domestic violence, its victims, and causes.

First and foremost, those at risk – the wives (mostly) and children – need to have the power to get out and get away from the dangers threatening them.  More and/or better arranged funding for shelters, counsellors, practical help is desperately needed, and I believe it is more than Government can provide on its own. Private enterprise should also get involved to help provide safe havens and support for these victims.

But we also have to remember that there are more victims than just the women and children at risk in their own homes.  There are the extended family members, the law enforcement officers called to ugly scenes, the health care workers helping to patch up and repair the broken, the counsellors helping the survivors to live their lives.  All of these people need our thanks and support and encouragement.

And then there are the perpetrators, mostly men.  These men also need serious help, and not just locking them in prison.  More research and study needs to be done to understand why the violence is seen by them as a suitable solution to their problems.  What was modelled to them as they grew up? What other issues are affecting them? Why does violence seem acceptable to them. These men need to learn new strategies and ideas to deal with their emotions and feelings, to help them react and respond in more suitable manners. They don’t need simple judgemental scorn.

I have several friends and acquaintances who have lived through domestic violence situations.  Thankfully nobody came to serious harm or death.  Some of them still struggle with what they did, or experienced; some have found peace.  Some have moved on into new health relationships; some have been able to restore their broken relationship and live happy healthy lives. Some don’t like to talk about what they went through; some use their experiences to help and counsel others going through the same problems.

The outcomes are as varied as the situations that arise in households right across the country.

We must never go silent on this issue; we must all combine to provide all the help that is needed – for victims, perpetrators, and third parties.